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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Broken Trust

January 8, 2012

I’m a horrible mom! I lied to one of my children this past week.  For years we have been telling our children how important it is to always tell the truth.  We would say things like “You can never get in trouble for telling the truth” and “If you lie how can Mommy and Daddy trust you”.  We would tell them the fable of the Boy Who Cried Wolf and give them the example of an acquaintance from our church who harbors anger toward his parents because they raised him to believe Santa Claus was real.  We told them that Mommy and Daddy will always tell them truth.  But I LIED.

Our daughter received a talking doll as a gift for Christmas.  She turns it on and listens to it talk to her.  She loves that doll.  Mommy, NOT SO MUCH.  One day at nap time she asked for the doll.  I did not want her to have it but instead of saying no, I told her I would look for it.  I tucked her in and came downstairs.  You may think that was the lie but no, it gets worse.  When I got downstairs there were two dolls laying beside each other on the floor.  One was the talking doll Mommy dislikes and the other a non-talking doll she received for her birthday.  I picked up the non-talking doll and proceeds back upstairs.  I handed the doll to my daughter and told her “Here, it is the only one I could find.”  THERE IT IS.  I just lied to my precious little girl.  She believed me, said “Oh, sank you mommy” and rolled over to go to sleep.  It may have ended there with only God to convict me of my sin.  But my son was standing behind me.  He heard and saw everything. (I think I would have preferred to deal with God on this one).  He promptly spoke up, said “Uh-uh, I know where it is.” He ran downstairs, picked up the talking doll, ran back upstairs and gave it to his sister.  I have to say I was a little perturbed.  I shushed  him out of the room and demanded to know why he did that.  His answer? “Why did you lie to her?”

I broke my son’s trust right at that very moment.  Our relationship will never be the same again.  Mommy is now someone he cannot rely on for the truth.

After naps he informed his sister that Mommy lied to her about the doll.  I apologized to my daughter (and to my son).  Admitted that what I had done was wrong and asked for their forgiveness.  My daughter, being the gracious child she is, immediately forgave me.  We hugged and she ran off to play.  Or maybe she simply did not understand the gravity of the sin Mommy just confessed to. But my son sure did and he was not so ready to forgive me.  That night a dinner he ratted me out to Daddy. 

My sin haunted me for days.  There was tension between me and my son.  He still needed me, he still wanted his Mommy, but now he was reticent.  He had decided I could not be trusted and he would not submit to someone he did not trust.  Last night we talked it out through tears and prayers.  I confessed that I sometimes make mistakes and do the wrong thing.  I get frustrated, I yell, I get angry and lash out.  But I was working on NOT doing those things.  I asked him to forgive me and explained that we could not move on until he did.  He was not ready.  I silently sat on his bed praying to God to mend our broken relationship and waited for him to be ready.

It seemed like forever but when he spoke it was with tender love in his voice.  “Mommy, I forgive you.”  No sweeter words can ever be spoken, either by a loved one or by our Father.

Is our relationship ever going to be the same?  I doubt it and for that I will shed my own tears.  But we will build on this moment and one day I hope to prove myself to my son and earn his trust.

1. Confidence; a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person.
He that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe. Prov.29.
2. He or that which is the ground of confidence.
O Lord God, thou art my trust from my youth. Ps.71.
3-8. [omitted]
9. Confidence; special reliance on supposed honesty.
10-12. [omitted]
TRUST, v.t. To place confidence in; to rely on.
We cannot trust those who have deceived us.
He that trusts every one without reserve, will at last be deceived.
1. To believe; to credit.
Trust me, you look well.
2. To commit to the care of, in confidence. Trust your Maker with yourself and all your concerns.
3-4. [omitted]
TRUST, v.i. To be confident of something present or future.

“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are His delight.” – Proverbs 12:22


  1. Ouch. NO your relationship will not be the will be better. His mercies are new every morning. For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. What a wonderful opportunity for your little boy to learn to fogive...Beauty for ashes:)

    1. Thank you for the words of encouragement. We have had some minor trust issues over the last few days but not nearly as bad as I thought we were going to have. It is good to see that he still comes to me with questions he needs answers to.