Railing Against The Father

January 15, 2012

So I’ve started a new training session with my children this week.  It is my hope that someday my children will sit still and quiet during family devotions with the ultimate goal of being able to sit through church services.  My five year old has no problem doing this.  He spends hours a day in Bible study with either me (as part of his daily lessons) or with his Daddy (as part of nightly man time).  He attends Sunday School and worship services with us.  Our two and one year old are another matter.  So each day we practice ‘sitting like a black belt’ (our son is taking Tae Kwon Do and his sisters like to emulate him).  Each day we try to better the time from the day before.  We are not in competition with each other; we are in competition with ourselves.  Each day they better their time they get a treat.  The exercise serves several purposes.  It teaches the children self-control, discipline and focus.

The problem comes from our one year old.  She does not like to sit.  I will gently pick her up, bring her back, sit her down, and remind her we’re sitting like black belts.  She’ll sit for another 30 seconds then she’s off and running.  This happens 2-3 times before the tantrum starts.  I try to sit her on my lap and hold her but that is when the full-body fit, accompanied by screaming started.  I had a flash back to a couple of weeks before when she was throwing the same fit while in her father’s arms.  The thought occurred to me both times how we were not punishing her; we were not trying to do her harm; we simply wanted to console her in the first instance and have her rest quietly in the second instance.  I was shocked and amazed at how violently she reacted to the loving embrace of her Mommy and Daddy.  Then I thought how like her we are toward our Father.

How often do we throw tantrums, have full-body fits, and scream when all our Father wants us to do is rest quietly in His arms so He can give us comfort?

In due course she would have been released from our embrace to once again go about her business.  Had she sat quietly when asked the exercise would have been over in five minutes.  Instead it lasted oh so much longer for her.

In due course we would be released from our Father’s embrace to once again go about our business.  How much longer does He hold us because we will not rest?

“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him…” –Psalm 37:7

Broken Trust

January 8, 2012

I’m a horrible mom! I lied to one of my children this past week.  For years we have been telling our children how important it is to always tell the truth.  We would say things like “You can never get in trouble for telling the truth” and “If you lie how can Mommy and Daddy trust you”.  We would tell them the fable of the Boy Who Cried Wolf and give them the example of an acquaintance from our church who harbors anger toward his parents because they raised him to believe Santa Claus was real.  We told them that Mommy and Daddy will always tell them truth.  But I LIED.

Our daughter received a talking doll as a gift for Christmas.  She turns it on and listens to it talk to her.  She loves that doll.  Mommy, NOT SO MUCH.  One day at nap time she asked for the doll.  I did not want her to have it but instead of saying no, I told her I would look for it.  I tucked her in and came downstairs.  You may think that was the lie but no, it gets worse.  When I got downstairs there were two dolls laying beside each other on the floor.  One was the talking doll Mommy dislikes and the other a non-talking doll she received for her birthday.  I picked up the non-talking doll and proceeds back upstairs.  I handed the doll to my daughter and told her “Here, it is the only one I could find.”  THERE IT IS.  I just lied to my precious little girl.  She believed me, said “Oh, sank you mommy” and rolled over to go to sleep.  It may have ended there with only God to convict me of my sin.  But my son was standing behind me.  He heard and saw everything. (I think I would have preferred to deal with God on this one).  He promptly spoke up, said “Uh-uh, I know where it is.” He ran downstairs, picked up the talking doll, ran back upstairs and gave it to his sister.  I have to say I was a little perturbed.  I shushed  him out of the room and demanded to know why he did that.  His answer? “Why did you lie to her?”

I broke my son’s trust right at that very moment.  Our relationship will never be the same again.  Mommy is now someone he cannot rely on for the truth.

After naps he informed his sister that Mommy lied to her about the doll.  I apologized to my daughter (and to my son).  Admitted that what I had done was wrong and asked for their forgiveness.  My daughter, being the gracious child she is, immediately forgave me.  We hugged and she ran off to play.  Or maybe she simply did not understand the gravity of the sin Mommy just confessed to. But my son sure did and he was not so ready to forgive me.  That night a dinner he ratted me out to Daddy. 

My sin haunted me for days.  There was tension between me and my son.  He still needed me, he still wanted his Mommy, but now he was reticent.  He had decided I could not be trusted and he would not submit to someone he did not trust.  Last night we talked it out through tears and prayers.  I confessed that I sometimes make mistakes and do the wrong thing.  I get frustrated, I yell, I get angry and lash out.  But I was working on NOT doing those things.  I asked him to forgive me and explained that we could not move on until he did.  He was not ready.  I silently sat on his bed praying to God to mend our broken relationship and waited for him to be ready.

It seemed like forever but when he spoke it was with tender love in his voice.  “Mommy, I forgive you.”  No sweeter words can ever be spoken, either by a loved one or by our Father.

Is our relationship ever going to be the same?  I doubt it and for that I will shed my own tears.  But we will build on this moment and one day I hope to prove myself to my son and earn his trust.

TRUST, n.

1. Confidence; a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person.

He that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe. Prov.29.

2. He or that which is the ground of confidence.

O Lord God, thou art my trust from my youth. Ps.71.

3-8. [omitted]

9. Confidence; special reliance on supposed honesty.

10-12. [omitted]

TRUST, v.t. To place confidence in; to rely on.

We cannot trust those who have deceived us.

He that trusts every one without reserve, will at last be deceived.

1. To believe; to credit.

Trust me, you look well.

2. To commit to the care of, in confidence. Trust your Maker with yourself and all your concerns.

3-4. [omitted]

TRUST, v.i. To be confident of something present or future.

“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are His delight.” – Proverbs 12:22